Table for One Please: 5 Reasons Why You Do Not Have a Beau (4 of 5)

Okay, we’re nearing the home stretch; three reasons down, two reasons to go. Things should start becoming clearer as to why you’ve failed to sustain a healthy relationship. You’ve been blaming everyone but yourself and that stops now! I am here to gut punch your unwarranted self esteem and dethrone your sense of entitlement.

If you some how forgot the lessons from Reason #3, either through sheer irresponsibility or denial, let’s recap:

  1. You’re faker than a three dollar bill.
  2. Make-up doesn’t make up for your lack of self esteem.
  3. Fake hair can keep you from a real relationship.
  4. The absence of true self will lead to a false romance.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am no relationship guru. Despite being with my girlfriend for 8 years I still, up to this day, have no idea what she is saying. This list is merely compiled from observations of and experience with the opposite sex. You can pass this off as another male blogger expelling his inadequate and unneccessary opinion or you can actually take heed! And watch your love life flourish. Maybe.

Reason #4: You’re Toxic.

Now this reason, in a way, resembles the first reason (“You Suck.”) but don’t go dismissing it just yet. Although Reason #1 did touch on why you cannot sustain a healthy relationship, it had more to do with why you’ll never have one at all.

This reason further explains your inability to conduct a successful relationship and what causes you to lose one. It is time that your subconscious methods of sabotage be brought to light. One can only spend so much time feeling around in the dark for love. Okay, that last sentence was a little over the top but I trust you’re getting my drift. These are relationship killers.

The theme of Reason #4 is “Don’t Fuck It Up.

The One Who Laughs Last, Laughs Alone.

This is for the girl with “zero” losses under her belt. Some women are more concerned with winning the battles and less concerned with winning the war; meaning when an argument strikes they usually do or say something that is extremely detrimental to the situation to either prove their point or ensure their “victory”. They fail to see the bigger picture.

 They often resort to petty and childish tactics that do nothing to help both parties reach a resolution. In all, they fail to realize that they are more healthy ways to win an argument. These kind of women usually feel slighted and retaliate by “teaching their man a lesson”; only to further escalate the problem.

They also feel the need to have the last word; not knowing that the last word does not win an argument. These “wins” are nothing but deposits in a man’s animosity bank. He’ll view you as immature and impulsive. He will mostly likely agree with you just to avoid confrontation and you making ass of yourself.

The Perils of Persistance…

This is for the girl who holds on to an issue like a german shepherd on a civil rights activist’s arm.  A real man has no need for a “Stepford Wife“. We don’t want a submissive docile woman who is afraid of bruising her man’s ego but it does help to have a healthy sense of knowing when to back off. Sometimes, when emotions are at their high point, it’s best to take time to cool off and revisit the problem at a time when tempers are less flared.

I know men are famous for dodging conversations. We always seem to NOT want to talk about things. On the other hand, just because we men go running for cover from your shower of “Let’s talk about it” bullets, does not mean that you should continue to unload your clip.

To further explain, there are less combative ways to settle yours difference. You and your man have to cultivate an understanding. An understanding that there are times when issues MUST be discussed because it is important to you that this discussion occurs.

Open your man up to the idea of expressing himself and explaining his actions in a non-aggressive way; that means stop getting angry at him or catching an attitude when he says something that you don’t agree with. Also don’t forget to allow him to speak without constant interruptions and vice versa. If he’s a good man, he’ll recognize this as an effective form of resolution. This will help you discuss your problems in a more healthy manner.

Also develop the understanding that neither of you goes to bed angry. This will allow you to give your man the space he needs to sort out his feelings and it ensures that WILL discuss the issue before the end of day. I know its hard to hold your feelings in and wait for a conversation to happen but if you corner your man and force him to discuss something, you may be doing more harm than good. 

Men aren’t built like women. When they get angry they tend to shut themselves off verbally. There are times when a man is so angry or annoyed by a situation that he simply has no words. We can always use your help opening up but sometimes “I don’t want to talk about” means that I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

A man likes to have a victory every once in a while but it has very little to do with a man’s ego. Sure our egos need stroking every now and again but a man who is constantly concerned with the bruising of his ego isn’t worth the trouble. It has more to with you being overly aggressive. A woman who doesn’t know when to back down shows that she has a lack of respect for others opinions, especially her spouse’s. She also, in an indirect way, reveals that she has control issues; stripping the man of his ability to control when he wants to discuss something. There is such a thing as agreeing to disagree.

Sure a relationship is about compromise but not everything has to be about compromise. There are times when you just have to let things go. I’m not telling you to sweep everything underneath the rug . I’m not telling you to pack your emotions away in a tiny spot in your stomach until it hurts. I’m just suggesting that you pick your  battles. Not everything has to be an issue that requires a discussion to resolve it. Say “Whoosah.” and let it go!

Shut Your Food Hole.

I know, that was kind of rude but since we’re on the subject of relentlessness I figured I’d touch on a woman’s inability to shut the fuck up. This is for the girl who mouth doesn’t have an off switch. Please, do not misconstrue, no man wants Helen Keller for a wife. Men love a woman who “don’t take no mess” and possesses the ability to hold her own but we absolutely hate a nag.  If you spent less time talking and more time listening and observing, you’d probably gain a better understanding of what questions to ask and how to ask them.

There are two kinds of nags, the venom spewing, ball lopping, “What the fuck were you thinking? How dumb could you be?” nag and the whiny, inquisitive, worrisome, overly emotional and dramatic nag. I know the word nag is an inflammatory and nasty word but it is truly the only way to articulate the contempt that a man has for a woman who seems to love verbal confrontation.

First up, the man-eating nag: A woman who feels the need to constantly complain and voice her disdain can be easily perceived as verbally belligerent; and a verbally belligerent woman usually ends up with a man who is okay with his spirit being broken or a man who secretly despises her. Usually, this woman can be found cursing her man out in broad daylight or scolding him in the privacy of their own home.

Similar to saving to film Saving Silverman, his friends will seek to rescue him from his personal hell or he’ll leave you for a “Good Witch”; a woman who appears to be substantially less bitchier than you are. It may also weasel its way into your sex life, causing your man to be sexually timid and unsure of himself. Your man will begin to perceive sex as an opportunity to compensate for his feelings of inferiority and/or lack of dominance in the relationship; this pressure may get to him, resulting in moments of flaccidity and somewhat inadequate lovemaking. Which in turn affects you because it will take away from the quality and frequency of your orgasms.

Then we have the soap opera nag: She loves to ask questions. She loves to investigate. She always wants to be in the know… by any means necessary. She’s Nancy Drew in the flesh. This means she will interrogate, berate and badger her man until she gets the information that she desires; but the means in which she goes about collecting this information makes a world of difference. There are more evasive and less intrusive ways to get information out of your man. I know what you’re saying:

“What do you mean? I’m just asking a simple questions. What wrong with asking questions?”

That’s the thing… men absolutely hate questions. “Where are you now? Where are you going? Who are you with? Who’s going to be there? What do you mean by that?” In some ways it reveals your lack of self esteem. It also reveals a lack of trust. On top of that it’s down right annoying.

Outlandish sobbing, unnecessary fits of rage and constant questioning is a very harmful way of getting the information you want . A bossy woman can shrink a man’s balls 7 out of 10 times but a whiny woman with a flair for the dramatics is usually met with dismissal. Her man begins to see her as an annoyance. He will mostly likely not answer your phone calls or even worse, break up with you because you lack composure and are prone to being a pain in the arse.

The Clinger.

This is for the girl who puts static electricity to shame. I’m not saying to stay out of your my man’s life but a man respects when you give him space. Every relationship has a stage where the couple is inseparable. Some couples grow out of it and some pay a surgeon tons of money to have themselves joined at the hip. Either way, choosing not to spend every waking moment together does little to discredit the bond that the couple shares or how much they love each other.

A little space goes a long way. It allows your man to miss you, to want for you. Most clingers scoff at the idea of absence making the heart grow fonder but I myself have witnessed this phrase prove itself true. After a long day of not hearing from or seeing my girlfriend, I find myself rushing home just so I can hear how her day went.

It’s healthy to maintain some space because it keeps the relationship fresh. How can I tell you how my day went if we spent all of it together? Sure we can talk about how our day went but we both know it isn’t the same. There is a special something that goes along with someone telling you a story that you failed to witness with your own eyes. There is a certain brand of suspense that goes along with your man telling you about how his day went and vice versa. If the two of you are constantly with one another, those kind of stories and that brand of suspense comes far in between.

Some women cling because they’re insecure. Some women cling because their afraid that the man might seek another woman. Some women cling because they’re just plain old possessive. No matter the issue, clinging serves no purpose but to smother a man and drive him away. He’ll find it adorable at first, he may even find it adorable on and off throughout the course of the relationship but it WILL become a strain.

Give your man the chance to come to you. It keeps him interested. A balance of devotion and independence is attractive. Everyone wants to appeal to their spouse, whether it’s a nice outfit or the ability to cook a decent meal. Think of your independence as an accessory to your overall appeal. You don’t have to wear it (your independence) everyday but twice a week wouldn’t hurt.

A Fire that Burns All…

Flaming insecurity! This for the girl who lashes out because she feels she isn’t good enough. Okay, you’ve figured out that men are willing to settle; that doesn’t mean that we’re constantly examining your flaws. It also doesn’t mean that you have to go on a never ending quest to be perfect. In fact, what women see as “settling” we men like to think of as “not being picky”.

After all, men don’t always settle. I know many men who think their girlfriends are the bee’s knees. A lot of men genuinely adore and love their woman, flaws and all. We wouldn’t be with you if we didn’t think you were attractive. In most cases, men don’t notice your flaws until you mention them. No one is perfect but if you’re always harping on your imperfections your man will eventually begin to share your sentiment. That is if he doesn’t break up with you due to the headaches caused by your insecurity.

Women commit many foolish acts due to insecurity. You will call your man on a consistent basis in fear that he will pursue another girl in his spare time. You’ll show him numerous examples of how uncomfortable you are with your body image. You’ll accuse him of doing things that he’s has no knowledge or intentions of doing just because you feel wronged; the negative possibilities are endless.

I do recognize that this insecurity doesn’t just appear out of thin air. It’s usually brought on by other women and men. Television is constantly bombarding you with reasons why you’re not pretty or why you’re too fat. It isn’t fair but you must realize that the only way to combat the onslaught of fad diets, the “perfect” figure and overrated Cosmo advice, isn’t by getting frustrated and questioning your worth.

You have to realize that you are You and there is no one who can love You more than you. Now some women tend to take that last sentence and run with it. They overcompensate and become narcissists; it either appears as a hollow facade or a stubborn wall that refuses to crumble. I am simply suggesting that you love your Self the way that you would want your man to love You: genuinely and free of scrutiny.

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