Table for One Please: 5 Reasons Why You Do Not Have a Beau (3 of 5)

So we’re 2 reasons in, not counting this one, and I hope you’ve learned what an ugly despicable human being you are. You should also be aware that you are not worth loving and the only way you’ll change that is by reading all 5 of my reasons. If you don’t then you might as well rent out your womb to a couple that really needs it because you will never have a family of your own.

But enough light-hearted brow beating, let’s recap! ūüôā :

  1. You’re dumb.
  2. Don’t be dumb.
  3. Stop talking like you’re 16 years old.
  4. Stop spelling like you’re¬†8 years old.
  5. Learn how to formulate an educated opinion.
  6. Stop having sex and watching T.V., get a degree.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am no relationship guru. Despite being with my girlfriend for 8 years I still, up to this day, have no idea what she is saying. This list is merely compiled from observations of and experience with the opposite sex. You can pass this off as another male blogger expelling his inadequate and unneccessary opinion or you can actually take heed! And watch your love life flourish. Maybe.

Reason #3: You’re Fake.

Contrary to popular believe one can witness a mirage without being stranded in a desert or deprived of sustenance. One can witness a flock of these mirages trotting down our city streets covered in 2 1/2 inches of make-up and numerous fashion clich√©s. Now if you still think I’m¬†referring to¬†actual mirages, you should¬†hurry back and read Reason #2 because more than likely… I’m talking about you.

Like a pizza, a human being is allowed to have toppings. It can be plain old cheese or a cacophony of meats, cheeses and vegetables; as long as you wear it well and it’s all in good taste. But unlike pizzas, if a human being has too many “toppings”¬†you start to forget that there’s a human being underneath it all¬†and eventually¬†it leads you to resent them for making you do all that digging.

The theme of Reason #3 is Acceptance.

Maybe She’s Born with It?… No, my bag. It’s Definitely Maybelline.

Why so serious? It’s because you have a bad case of Joker face. Two things can be said for a women who wears too much make-up:

  1. You’re ashamed of the way you look.
  2. You have no qualms with using deception.

Okay, maybe number two was a bit rash but if you are willing to falsify your appearance in order to snag a mate, the morality of your tactics come into question. Of course it’s not all about seething insecurity, some women just enjoy the act of dolling themselves up. After all, they’ve been conditioned to do so since so they’ve been out of diapers. Mattel and¬†Barbie Millicent Roberts has instilled a faint trait of girly glamour in every girl who has had the pleasure of tearing her out of her pretty little box.

Let me put it this way, natural beauty is a thing of beauty. There are many women who don’t feel pretty without the aid of mascara, concealer,¬†eyeliner and blush; this is a problem. Any girl can slather on make-up and call herself Elizabeth Taylor. It takes a lady to¬†own what nature has given to them and display it with nonchalant confidence.

A lenient application of lipstick and eyeliner doesn’t hurt. In fact, I am a closet fan of smokey eyes and glossy lips; but nothing arouses men more¬†than a women proclaims her own natural beauty.

Dark circles or bags¬†around your eyes, own it. Pock marks or blemishes, own it. Laugh lines or crow’s feet, own it. Purple lips from smoking too many blunts, own it. Unless you’re fuglier¬†than the BP oil spill, self confidence will take you a long way in a man’s eyes; or anyone’s eyes for that matter.

“If You Weave It, They Will Come”?

This is for the girl who wears more wigs than Lil’ Kim in the Crush On You video. I know the natural look¬†isn’t for everyone but constant concealing of one’s true image says something about their level of honesty, not just with others but themselves.

I am in no way condemning¬†the use of synthetic hair. I’m just suggesting that you adopt a more natural look. This means get rid of the faux coif.¬†An “artificial” look, in many cases,¬†attracts “artificial” men. By adopting a more natural appearance, you increase your chances¬† of attracting a man with a less, superficial pop-culture influenced value system.

Again, I understand that not all natural doos are do’s but¬†underlying ¬†insecurity and denial¬†is just as unattractive as a bad hairstyle. Accepting your hair for what it is can speak volumes for your self esteem¬†and it also, in a very subtle way, conveys¬†what you expect from a mate. Phife¬†Dawg of A Tribe Called Quest said it best on their song Butter:

“If your hair and eyes were real, I wouldn’t have dissed ya
But since it was bought, I had to dismiss ya
If you can’t achieve it, then why not try and weave it
If you can’t extend it then you might as well suspend it
If you can’t braid it, best thing to do is fade it
I asked who did your hair and you tell me “Diane made it”
If you were you and just you, talk to you, maybe
But I can’t stand, no bionic lady”

This doesn’t mean that fake hair dooms you to a life of failed relationships and heartbreak. I know a couple of women who wear¬†weaves and wigs¬†out of pure convenience. It isn’t because they can’t grow their own hair, they just find a wig or weave to be more manageable; but you have to consider the possibility of your hair sending a certain message.

Chameleon Days.

This is for the girl with no personality of own. There are women who have no desire to cultivate their “true self”;¬†instead they absorb whatever trend or fad is around them and cloak themselves in it. You can find this girl likening herself to or pretending to be Beyonc√©, Rihanna or any other female singing/rapping sensation that happens to be popular at time. If she is¬†not mimicking them directly, she’s¬†more than likely¬†representing what¬†they stand for; either way she’s a blank canvas waiting to be painted with whatever color¬†pop culture has to offer.

If you were to place this type of¬†girl in a white room with no television or radio, she probably wouldn’t be able to remember her own name.

Then there are women who are afraid to let their personality stand on its own two feet. You can usually find these women in a clique of some sort, hiding themselves behind the general personality or interests of the group.

To further explain, these women rarely choose moments to be themselves. Some of them are scared to be their true selves¬†and some of them can’t be themselves because they don’t know who they are.

If you want to assert your independence and generate a genuine brand of adoration from a potential mate, start with your personality. Men love it when a woman genuinely admires herself, without being conceited, and is unafraid of her flaws.